So I know the day isn’t over, but I’m journaling already anyways. This morning we had a tutorial & reflection session again, and our main discussion was about faith and economics, specifically the economic disparity that we keep seeing so often here in China. Dan really challenged us think about what our faith and our calling has to do with the people that are so impoverished. I mean, it’s an obvious question, but so many times I wonder, does G really care about these people? How come he’s let them end up like this? Yeah, sometimes it’s their fault because they’ve gambled away their money or blown it all on alcohol, but there are people who have worked 200000 times harder than us, and have sacrificed so much to better the lives of their children, and are still BARELY surviving. I know that G does care about these people because he cares about everyone, but then where is our position in this as Christians? We are G’s people, so we should love them too. But then, are we showing love to them when we ignore them? Are we showing love to them when we completely ignore their cries for help? Are we showing love to them when we don’t even look them in the eye while we refuse their pleas, just so that we can feel less responsible for their situation? I find a lot of times I do that, because I think if I look them in the eye, I’ll feel a sense of responsibility and I’ll feel obligated to give them money. Yesterday when we were at the mall after dinner, a man came up to us with a girl who he claimed was his daughter and asked us to buy them food. It was clear he was a scam artist and the girl wasn’t really his daughter, but should we buy him food anyway? Just because he’s a scam artist doesn’t mean he doesn’t need food. Just because she’s not his daughter doesn’t mean she’s not starving. Then, when we were waiting for taxis, a lady with her baby kept coming over to us, touching each of our arms, and desperately asking for money. I didn’t look her in the eye, and when she touched my arm I moved away from her because I felt a sense of guilt that I didn’t want to help her.
I think in our culture/society, we are so incredibly adherent to the mythology that if you work hard, you’ll succeed in life. That’s the message we’re inundated with when we’re kids. But yesterday, Kelly, Irene, and Christine took a black market taxi (they couldn’t get a regular one) to get to the mall. It was sketchy, but they didn’t have a choice and they needed to get to us, so they decided to take one. Kelly told me that her heart was POUNDING and she was SO afraid that the taxi would kidnap them and sell them into slavery or something, so she was praying the whole way there. But then, they started talking to the taxi driver and found out that he was a completely legitimate person. He wasn’t sketchy at all. It turned out that he had moved from Anhui province (one of the rural provinces that many of our migrant students were from) so that his son could go to a public school in Shanghai. He couldn’t drive a regular taxi because they wouldn’t let him, since he didn’t have a hukou (the license that indicates that they live in the city and can have access to healthcare and schools in the city) even though he’s lived in Shanghai for 20 years. He said that in those 20 years, he’s only been able to get one hukou for his son, so that his son could go to a public school in Shanghai and get a good education; so that his son wouldn’t have to face the migrant school problem that so many of his kind encounter. After hearing this, I felt like such an idiot. I mean, here I am thinking that I’m doing such a good thing by helping these migrant students and empowering them by showing them that their “migrant kid” label doesn’t have to limit their possibilities. And then, I go label this man driving a taxi as “untrustworthy” and “shady” just because of the type of car he’s driving. And in reality, he’s just like any other loving parent, just like my parents, because he’s given up so much of his own life to provide a better life for his son. So that his son could escape the fate of the kids that I’m trying to teach. And he works so hard, and he is barely scraping by. And here I am, haven’t worked as hard as him a day in my life, and I’M labeling HIM. What on earth gives me the right to do that? Nothing.
I think living with the whole “work hard and succeed” belief has desensitized me to these people. I mean, yeah, I have compassion for them and I feel bad everytime I see them and I want to give them money, but I never do. I have taught myself to ignore them because I believe that if I give them money, it will go to the wrong place. Or maybe they’re a scam artist, and I don’t want to lose face by being scammed, no one wants to be scammed. But maybe instead of giving them money, I can give them food. I can buy a meal for them, or buy them clothes. I can provide them directly with their physical needs. And maybe I need to humble myself, and get over the fact that I’m being scammed. Yeah, sure, I know I’m being scammed and they know they’re scamming me, but the money they get from me might be able to help them even though it’s scam money. There’s a big picture, and that big picture is that they’re trying to survive, whether it be through begging or scamming.
So then, with this realization, I know now that G is telling me that I need to share what he’s given to me. I said this already after working with the migrant kids, but he’s blessed me with so much and I know he wants me to give back. And the fact is, I haven’t been. He’s given me SO much in life; I’ve always been financially comfortable. No, I’ve always been MORE than financially comfortable. There’s nothing that I’ve ever wanted and said, “I can’t have it because I can’t afford it.” If there’s anything I ever really want, I always get it. My parents have always had enough money to provide for me and my sister, and give us everything we want and MORE. So, I’ve been just completely hogging everything that I’ve been given. I know now that G is putting a responsibility within me to share his blessings. He’s given me these things for a reason, and I need to find out that reason so that I can continue to do his will. There’s a verse in the bible that says for those who have been given more, more will be expected. So it’s clear to me that I need to do a lot. I think the big question for me, though, is HOW. How does he want me to share? How much am I supposed to give away? Where do I give it to? I know I need his direction to answer all these questions, but I don’t have it.
Which brought up another interesting issue. I think in some ways, impoverished people are more fortunate than rich people. Not in terms of material possessions, but in terms of longing for G. When we have so much, we don’t feel a desire or need for G. We think we have everything under control, and we’ve got everything figured out. But when you’re impoverished, and you have NOTHING, you desire for ANYTHING. When you have no hope in this life, you look for hope in another life. And that’s why so many homeless people are so open to hearing about G. It’s like the substance that keeps them going. Maybe that’s why I’m so lost with G right now. Maybe that’s why I never had a good foundation with him. Maybe that’s why I never truly KNEW him. Because I’m so fortunate to have everything I ever wanted. I never HAD him because I never truly felt like I WANTED him or NEEDED him. So then, how do I get to that point? That point where I thirst and hunger for him? The point where I need him so much more than I need anything else in the world? How can I get there? I don’t even know.
So then how am I supposed to know what to do?? How do I find G? And how do I know what he wants me to do with his blessings?
No comments:
Post a Comment