It’s ironic how just 3 days ago I was trying to figure out ways to avoid going to that school, and now I’m devastated to be leaving it. Today was our last day with the migrant kids…it was so sad, because they all said, “I wish you didn’t have to go…I want you to come everyday!” or something along those lines. They are adorable and I wish we didn’t have to leave them…you can tell they don’t get a lot of personal attention, because they all crave the attention of us leaders and become really happy when we pay attention only to them.
Today was all about hanging out with the kids and saying our goodbyes…we gave them each an award (their paper plate) and presented it to them in front of the whole class. I don’t know if they liked them or not because we told them to wear it around their neck but they kept taking it off. But then again, I don’t know how honorary it feels to be wearing a paper plate, so maybe they just wanted to look at it. Anyways, after that, we spent a good LONNNG time taking pictures with them and playing Heads Up 7 Up with them (I don’t understand why they like that game so much..it’s SO boring). After that, we had a sort of goodbye ceremony outside for the whole school. Each class was supposed to do a presentation of what they learned this week. Most classes did a little dance and spoke in English. One class performed a Korean pop song and the dance HAHAHAA it was adorable. Our class performed “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” 4 times, getting progressively faster as we went. It was hilarious, because the kids can’t do it that fast, so then everyone just gets lost and it becomes really fun. But ANYYYWAYS, it was just a day of a lot of fun and very sad goodbyes.
It’s so sad to think that I’ll probably never see those kids again…unless I come back next year, but I’m not sure that I will. It’s just so sad that I couldn’t spend more time with them, and I couldn’t even communicate to them how amazing i thought they were before I had to leave them. I just hope that this week instilled at least a shred of self-confidence that will help them succeed somewhere, somehow in the future. I wish these kids had a fair chance at life..it seems like such a shame that their minds are being wasted because they weren’t given the same resources as everyone else.
Leon, the kid who was teaching me Chinese yesterday (and was also one of the kids that made fun of me for not speaking English), is one of the brightest kids you’ll ever meet. He’s hilarious and such a go-getter. He pretty much says whatever he thinks and always wants to learn. At the beginning of the week, I had the most trouble warming up to him, because he seemed like he didn’t want to accept me because I didn’t speak Chinese. But now, he’s one of my favorites…I realized that he wasn’t trying to disrespect me because I didn’t speak Chinese, but he just didn’t understand how someone that looks Chinese didn’t speak Chinese. I’m really glad I sat next to him yesterday at lunch…so that he had the chance to teach Chinese to me and we got to know each other a little bit better. Today, he tested me on my Chinese, and I recited what I knew to him, and he said (in Chinese, obviously), “Wow Cookie! You’re amazing!” And I said, “No, you’re just a good teacher Leon” and he smiled and sort of waved his hand, like he was being modest. He’s super cute. If any of those students succeed, I think it would be him, because he’s such a leader and so bright. The sad thing is, though, he probably won’t make it to college. Michael, one of the Chinese students, said that it’s VERY improbable that ANY of our students would make it to college. He’s probably right, but after this week, I hope that we’ve had enough impact on them to make them try and work hard to achieve their goals.
Looking back on it, this week has been really stressful…it’s just been full of constant ups and downs. The beginning of the week was really hard, because I felt like a COMPLETE outsider in my own classroom since I couldn’t speak Chinese. It was so hard for me to overcome that…especially because the Chinese students kept speaking to me in Chinese, my kids didn’t understand why I couldn’t speak their language, and everyone around me just seemed to understand what was going on except for me. But the Chinese students started to become more sensitive to my situation and began translating parts of the class for me…and the students began to teach me Chinese, so I could say simple things like “Are you tired?” or “Good job” or “I like …” and I think it was really important for me to want to learn from them. One of the other girls on my team who doesn’t speak Chinese didn’t seem to want to learn, so it was harder for the kids to be friendly with her. She would continuously talk to them in English, and they wouldn’t understand her, but she wouldn’t ask for help translating or try to learn how to say it in Chinese. I think letting the kids teach me Chinese showed an interest in them, which is why they took a liking to me. And through this, they were able to laugh at me for my bad pronunciation and pitiful attempts. I kind of feel like it was a lesson in humility…because the kids were so much better than me at this, and I had to humble myself to let them teach me and laugh at me. I think the problem with the other girl (I won’t name her) is that she doesn’t like losing face, so if she sat down and pronounced stuff badly and the kids laughed at her, she’d be really uncomfortable. It was definitely hard for me too, because, well, no one likes to be laughed at. And I felt like an idiot most of the time, because the kids would be sounding it out slowly for me, and I still wouldn’t get it. It was hard to pick up, because I’m not used to making those sounds since the sounds in Chinese are so much different from the sounds in English. But I think G definitely helped me get through my pride…I kept thinking to myself, “Man, if only these kids knew that I could speak English well…then they wouldn’t look at me like such an idiot all the time.” But it was totally stupid of me to think about that….why would they care if I’m good at English? It would just be me, showing off my abilities to do what they can’t. And that isn’t what they need. Sometimes I have so much pride it makes me sick.
And then, in addition to getting over my mountainous pride, I had to work with the people on my team…don’t get me wrong, I love my team NOW, but at the beginning of the week…oh man it was kinda bad. I didn’t really like the Chinese students at first, because they kept leaving me out of their conversations because I didn’t speak Chinese. And for the first two days, we didn’t plan games very well, so we ended up having to figure out the rules in the middle of class and we kept telling the kids different sets of rules and it was just mass chaos and confusion…so I was irritated at them, because I just stood there listening to these Chinese students that I didn’t understand, while everyone’s attention is focused on them because they’re supposed to be explaining the game. And it took like 5 minutes each time, so we would end up explaining the game rules for about 20 minutes and playing for only 10. It seemed like such a waste of time…and I hate wasting time. And then there was another girl on my team…she is kidna one of those people who is always in your face, and I thought she was kind of annoying. Not because she did anything wrong, but I think her personality just doesn’t click well with mine. She’s still not my best friend, but we’re okay. And then there’s this last girl, whose personality is just completely clashing with mine. I feel like she thinks about things too much in black and white, so everything is either right or wrong to her. She doesn’t realize that some comments/jokes are appropriate at certain times and not other times…and it’s just like, well, you can’t be so naïve. Actually, I don’t know if it’s because she’s naïve, but that’s sort of how her personality is. She’s got a super strong stand on everything, and nothing is ever in the middle for her. And it’s just so hard to work with her, because when she wants something, she’ll do it, whether or not it’s good for the rest of the people. Like today, for example, she bought toys for ONLY her group (toy cars for the boys and hair ties & pencils for the girls). And she didn’t even tell us that she bought her group toys, not even realizing that we might have to buy it for our group too…and we told her that we sort of didn’t think she should give her toys out, because the rest of the class wouldn’t have toys and it wouldn’t be fair…but she gave them out anyways. And ALL the kids were just staring at her, waiting to get something too. And then they started asking her, “Do you have any more?” And when she said no, you could see the disappointment on their faces, like…well why didn’t I get something too? I just felt so bad for them…and I wish I could’ve bought them stuff. But I didn’t know! I refrained from buying my kids stuff because I didn’t think it would be fair for the other groups, but she didn’t even have the same consideration! Ughhh it was just so irritating to me that she did that…I understand that she bought it specifically for them and it would be a waste if she didn’t give it to them, but at the same time it’s completely unfair to the kids that didn’t get anything and they wouldn’t understand why. Ugh…I’ve just been having a lot of unspoken conflicts with her like this. And it’s so difficult to love her, because she’s so difficult to work with and communicate with because we COMPLETELY don’t see eye to eye. She’s just so stuck in her ways that I feel like it’s impossible to talk to her with being offended. So difficult….
[a couple hours later]
Yay!! I just got back from playing volleyball. It was SUPER fun…we played with some cultural exchange students and some Chinese students. It was disgustingly hot though…it was humid, plus I was sweating like mad, so I was gross and moist by the end of the game. Joanna said I was shiny. Ew. I’m going to miss the other studentsssss L L L I feel like I just met them!!! What the heckkk!!! So sad. But my mommy and Joanna’s mommy are coming to visit us next weekend. I’m excited for that J
Okay well, I’m having tummy issues again so I’m eating bread and water. And I think I am going to take some medicine and go to sleep…I am very tired. Working with kids is so tiring! But I’m actually considering teaching now…because this week was actually really rewarding, and I wish I could make a difference in other kids’ lives. WE’LL SEE though….I’m not super good with kids...it takes me a little while to warm up to them, and I think that might make me a bad teacher. Hahaha…
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